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Q: What’s the definition of a mistress?A: Something between a mister and a mattress.Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?A: Neither, it was the cockerel.These are compliments of Gary H.The afterlifeAn older Sun City couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact, “Mary ... Mary...”“Is that you, Fred?”“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”“What’s it like?”“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”“Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven.”“Not exactly, I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Des Moines, Iowa.”Lexus. Her thin face and full figure. Would Carl trade me for her? Of course, he would. Maria did. I would.“I love you,” I say weakly.“I love you too,” he says automatically.He finishes. I finish. I clean up. He sets up Netflix on the TV. I change into my PJs (with fresh panties) and join him. He picks a comedy. We laugh. It rolls on into the next episode. We keep laughing. I make popcorn. He has a beer. It’s simple, but it’s elegant. It’s home. It’s easy and peaceful.After his third beer, his hand starts to wander. I’m tired now. I have work in the morning. We’ve been in front of the television for three hours. He could have made his move at any time before that. But I don’t stop him.His hand moves from my knee up my thigh. He knows I’m sensitive there and starts to draw small circles over my pajamas. The circles get smaller and smaller and move further and further down between my legs. I feel the heat and let my body unfurl from our cuddling. He takes it as an invitation and leans into.
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